♥ SteLLa SteLLa ♥

Saturday, July 18, 2009

shattered and torn..........

Pardon me for my lengthy, boring, emo post.. Is all just my feelings..
I don't wish to keep all of these inside.... I'm really bursting...
It's not that I don't wanna talk to u anymore...... U made me feel, I don't have the rights to contact or even talk to u....

I've enough of all these hurtful words fom u.... u said i changed.. where did i changed? U ASSUME things before looking and understand things..........

I hate u.............. I really hate u.. I entrusted u with my heart............ i hate u....

I've always said "positive mindset" during work.. I was jus psycho-ing myself.. to get through all these hurt...
every smile of me... I had jus fake it all through.......
I really hate this...... every blog entry of mine is getting emo.... I haven't felt this feeling of so broken so long.. and now it happened all over again...

Everything was just a lie...
U said that u will not make me cry when we get tgt.... and I lie all that to my heart.. you will say, because i've broken urs.. u'll broke mine.... It's like a never ending war...
I'm so sad.......... really..... I'm so broken now.. till every word I blog now... I'm tearing.....
I don't know how do I explain myself anymore..... because whatever I say now is useless...
U will never trust me again.......

I'm so torn up... the more I say, the more it hurts.... I don't know
what the fuck I did wrong...... When u're chasing your dreams, it really sucks.. Now I understand why when u have career, u can't have love...... It is so true when everyone told me that, when u're chasing your dreams, most of the time, the one you're close-iest to, will hurt u the most..... I've wasted so many time in my life... so aimlessly thinking what I wanna be in the future... till I found something that I really want.... This is what I got from him... thousands of knives stabbing through me........ This is how strong our love.. everything was like a mask.... so perfect...... but in the end.... this is how it is.......
I'm so depressed... till i'm really suffocating.......

When my world started crumbling down, where were u...? you keep telling me things that I'm in the wrong.. Sometimes at e end of the day, I'm so tired and stress over everything, I jus want a sweet talk from u.. is it so hard? U said, if u were to sweet talk me, " my head will become big " ( in chinese wo de tou hui bian da ) It doesn't make any sense to me... How can u stop yourself from saying feelings u want to? or is it... I'm not worthy your words at all...... u said using actions.... but i don't see actions.... i don't hear words.... sometimes... it's nt all abt actions....... words do count..... It's like... you're hungry.... he feels like buyin chicken rice, he buys u chicken rice.... w/o asking want u want to eat.....
It made me shattered more and more.. till I feel so numb... every hurt from u, I wanna hide... i don't wanna face u..... call me coward.. call me shit... I jus don't wish things to worsen...... I feel so lost.. i felt like every step or every move I make, i'm in the wrong... I really don't feel like movin'..... I wish a day was more than a 24hrs....... so i could make u feel that i go home on time....... I've really tried... I really tried........ trying till.. i'm struggling hard to breathe when i'm drowning.... I don't know how I can carry on writing this........ it is so hurtful.....
Every hurt, i put a seal on my heart.... I'm so afraid to love more..... I'm losing my faith... i'm even losing myself...... I'm so stress every moment till I feel my heart beating in my brain.........

perhaps i've shldnt started... perhaps i shld say ya "fever" wld stop...... then perhaps the girl u used to like wld have alrdy be tgt with u alrdy... since now she seem to want u bac....... complaining to u that how every bf she has treated her now..... If she doesn't have any feelings for u till now, why the fuck she bother to tell u abt how every guy after u treats her... U tell me.. how to explain.. as a normal friend bother abt telling her personal r/s life with u.. tellin all e bad stuffs in her r/s.. All the negatives.. no good stuffs... as if she is hinting u... and if didn't met her at all, she doesn't call.. u met her yst.. today she called... so coincidence..? ha..... maybe u cld have gotten ya both happiness when i didn't interupt..
I feel like i'm losing in the end......... my figure sucks, my looks sucks, my personality sucks... all of me sucks..... i'm nt worth............. u tell me... what am i worth loving..........? even if saving this r/s bac..... by stopping all these hurt, u tell me how can i love u back....? Is nt that i don't love u anymore... I felt.. I'm afraid... i'm really afraid.... i dare not commit........

Perhaps.. I'm best being a loner.... Because... no one understands me... everyone likes to put blames on me before understanding the situation I am in............

phrases I've lifted from the songs in my playlist....

James Morrison - Broken Strings

" Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel againBut you broke me,
now I can't feel anything

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
how can I give anymore
when I love you little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late "

Gavin Rossdale - love remains the same

" so much more to say
so much more to be done
Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending
Too much time, too long defending
You and I are done pretending. "

Ina- I wanted you

Lately I've been thinking about what I can do
I've been stressing to fall back in love with you
I'm so sorry that I couldn't follow through
But I can't go on this way.
I've got to stop it babe
You've been wonderful in all that you can be
But it hurts when you say that you understand me

So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I
I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I lovedI wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep

I wanted you, I wanted youI've been pushing hard to open up the door
Trying to take us back to where we were before
But I'm done. I just can't do this anymore
'Cuz we can't be mended, so let's stop pretending now
We've been walking around in circles for some time
And I think we should head for the finish line
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you
I, I.. I'm so sorry baby

But I, I.. I gotta pack up and leave
But I, I'll always remember how we came close..
to being how I wanted to be
I wanted you baby
I wanted youI wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

Posted @ [1:18 AM]

Thursday, July 02, 2009

" I don't wish to talk to u..

Just because of something small, u blew it all up...
Despite whatever I explained, u always continue with your endless doubtings..

I'm starting to get wear out really soon..

I'm utterly disappointed and I really don't wish to tallk to u at the moment..

I'm sorry...... "

Posted @ [3:27 AM]

Sunday, June 28, 2009

To ALL and HEY if you're reading this, you MISUNDERSTOOD me alright?! READ ALL THESE BEFORE JUMPING INTO CONCLUDSION THAT STELL TAN IS ME!

LOOK AT HER BLOODY TIME! 13JUN AT6:33PM

HERE IS MY PROVE!

THIS IS MY WORKING SCHEDULE/TIME CARD!

I'M AT WORK AT OC JL = ORCHARD POINT JOHN LITTLE(WHICH IS 30METRES NEAR TO HEEREN NEXT TO UOB BANK)

ENLARGED VERSION ON 13/06/2009

12PM-8PM(TIME IN TIME OUT)
4PM-5PM(I'M AT BREAKTIME! IT'S BEFORE 6.33PM!)

NOT ENOUGH PROVE? HERE'S MORE!
WHAT ITEMS I SOLD FOR FASIO(MAKE UP BRAND RIGHT AT E ENTRANCE OF OC JL) THAT DAY

IF U THINK I MADE ALL THESE UP, THINK AGAIN.. IF I'M STELL TAN, WHY BOTHER SHOWING U ALL THESE? HER MAIN INTENTION IS MAKING MORE FRIENDS WITH GUYS!

I UNDSTERSTAND HOW YOUR GF AND U FELT AFTER READING THIS OK? I KNOW U BOTH ARE FUMING MAD.. I DON'T BLAME YOU BOTH FOR SCOLDING ME SLUT OR BITCH OR WHATEVER WHEN U READ THIS.. BUT PLEASE UNDERSTAND.. THIS IS NOT ME!

HERE'S MORE PROVE:

ALL ACCOUNTS I OWN WHICH ALLOWS A UNIQUE NAME AT THE END OF THE LINK, I PUT ALL LUVHATESTELL.

http://www.tagged.com/luvhatestell
http://www.friendster.com/luvhatestell
http://www.facebook.com/luvhatestell

ALL ACCOUNTS I OWN, I ONLY HAVE 1 ACCOUNT OF EACH.. I DON'T CREATE MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS!
QN: WHY NOT MULTIPLE ACC.?
ANS: IT'S SIMPLE! DON'T YOU THINK IT'S VERY ATTENTION SEEKING?

FROM WHAT "HEY" IN MY CBOX HAS SHOWN ME, I'VE SEARCH THROUGH FACEBOOK VIA FRIEND FINDER UNDER PEOPLE,

THIS ACCOUNT ACTUALLY EXISTED
Displaying 21 - 30 out of 239 people results for: STELL TAN (27JUN 2009 PAGE 3)

LOOK AT HER BIRHDAY, 12 AUG 1988?
HELLO! MINE IS 8 NOV 1989 AS STATED ON MY BLOG TOP LEFT HAND CORNER!
PLEASE CHECK CAREFULLY BEFORE VENTING OUT YA ANGER HERE!!!

HIGH SCHOOL: TEMASEK POLY 07?
SORRY, I WAS IN ITE SIMEI BEAUTY THERAPY BACK THEN.

HOMETOWN: I'M STAYING IN SERANGOON! NOT WOODLANDS

FAVOURITE MUSIC: I ONLY LISTEN TO ENGLISH SONGS LIKE RNB, HIPHOP, POP AND LOVE SONGS.. FOR CHINESE, ONLY THAT CERTAIN FEW LIKE JAY CHOU'S!

ABOUT ME: 21F!
HAHAH! WHAT A JOKE.. I'M ONLY 20 THIS YEAR.. WHY WOULD I WANNA GROW OLDER?

RECENT ACTIVITIES, MAFIA WARS?! I DID NT EVEN ADD THAT APPLICATION!
I PLAY ONLY PET SOCIETY!
RESTUARANT CITY IN MY BOOKMARK? I GOT BORED PLAYING THAT APPLICATION.

7 PHOTOS? TO "HEY" SINCE U'RE IN MY TAGGED ACCOUNT, ALL THESE PHOTOS ARE FRM MY TAGGED ACCOUNT RIGHT. I ONLY HAVE THESE SELF PICS IN TAGGED, THE REST IS WITH MY BF.. WHY DON'T I PUT PICS TOGETHER WITH MY BF? SINCE U ASSUME THAT THIS BLOG, MY TAGGED ACCOUNT AND STELL TAN FB ACCOUNT BELONGS TO ME, WHY STELL'S TAN ACC, I PUT SINGLE E REST ALL IN A R/S? OBVIOUSLY, SOMEONE MISUSE MY PHOTOS. WHY WOULD I USE OLD PICS WHEN I HAVE MORE NEW ONES?

IF YOU THINK I WANNA FLIRT ARD, SORRY.. I GAVE UP ON GUYS, ACCEPT FOR PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY AND MY BF! I WLD BE ATTENTION SEEKING IF I WANT TO FLIRT RIGHT? WHO DOESNT WANNA ATTRACT ATTENTION WHEN FLIRTING?!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, WHY WOULD'NT I FLIRT WITH YOU IN MY TAGGED ACCOUNT INSTEAD OF FB? STELL TAN JUST CREATED HER ACCOUNT RECENTLY.. PLS LA! FOR GODSAKE, I WANT TO FLIRT WITH U, I WLD ALRDY HAVE! MY TAGGED ACCOUNT IS CREATED IN SEPT 2006 (REFER TO THE SNAPSHOT)!!

LOOK HERE! THIS IS MY REAL 1 AND ONLY FB ACCOUNT!

STILL NOT ENOUGH TO PROVE, SEE THIS!

NAME: KAREN STELLA WONG
D.O.B: 8 NOV 1989

FUCK YOU!!! TO CALL ME MIC! MY IC IS PINK!

WHY BOTHER TO PROVE MYSELF, IF MY BF 101% TRUST ME? IF STELL TAN IS ME, I CAN CHOOSE TO FLIRT ARD AND MY BF TRUST ME? THE FACT IS SHE IS NOT ME! I'M GONNA REPORT THIS ACCOUNT TO FACEBOOK!

I THINK U OWE ME A APOLOGY!!
IF YOU'RE GONNA INSULT ME MORE GO AHEAD.. U WAIT AND SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN (:

Posted @ [2:49 PM]

Saturday, June 20, 2009

For this post, before Reading anything below, CLICK ON SONG 2 (:

Haix~ Is Everybody going crazy? Tell me what's going on,

if you open your eyes, you'll see something is wrong...

This song just crossed my mind.. listen and read the lyrics.. =/

Simple Plan - Crazy

Tell me what's wrong with society

When everywhere I look, I see

Young girls dying to be on TV

They won't stop till they've reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery

Photoshopped pictures in magazines

Telling them how they should be

It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?

Is anybody gonna save me?

Can anybody tell me what's going on?

Tell me what's going on?

If you open your eyes

You'll see that something is wrong

I guess things are not how they used to be

There's no more normal families

Parents act like enemies

Making kids feel like it's World War III

No one cares, no one's there

I guess we're all just too damn busy

And money's our first priority

It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?

Is anybody gonna save me?

Can anybody tell me what's going on?

Tell me what's going on?

If you open your eyes

You'll see that something is wrong

Is everybody going crazy?

Tell me what's wrong with society

When everywhere I look I see

Rich guys driving big SUVs

While kids are starving in the streets

No one cares

No one likes to share

I guess life's unfair

Is everybody going crazy?

Is anybody gonna save me?

Can anybody tell me what's going on?

Tell me what's going on?

If you open your eyes

You'll see that something, something is wrong

Is everybody going crazy?

Can anybody tell me what's going on?

Tell me what's going on?

If you open your eyes

You'll see that something is wrong

Posted @ [3:12 AM]

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Tons and tons of photos + updates

lol.. Finally I'm updating! Here's your bonus for those who are reading.. My longest post ^^

On the 17th of April, it's my one year anniversary with baby (:
Time really flies.. Here are 2 pics of baby and me 1 year ago~ lol

This is my hp wallpaper (:

lol! hen my hair is straight~

Baby bought me burberry tote for our 1 year anni~ so sweet of him (x

*Loves*

* the tote comes with a wrislet (: *

Went out with my gfs i think last month? =x to minds cafe following by dinner at Meridien..

heh heh~ pose pose (:

mong and elaine got smelly armpit? =Xx lol!!

tallest to tall to tallest? ( if u get what i mean =x )lol!

looking up (:

look at shir~ lol!

out of pose so we came out with this crazy "candid pose " lol

In the process of thinking of what to pose~ lol

Loves~

Loves~ (:

I think 2 months bac or last month, went ofwith keller and jiajia (:

Credits to keller~ heh heh~

hoho~

Look at the "Care-ler-fare" behind =x

no more! (:

"Diao u!" =x

*act scared scared =x*

In the process of waiting for keller

Now time for the recent pics (:

Met Angelia, Yeelou and Sabrina that day for dinner and "coffee session". And Last but not least, Camwhoring sessions! lol! (:

"eh, have u taken the pic? my face cramp alrdy.. diao u" lol!!

* ok, it was my crazy idea to kneel on e ladies' floor =x *

5/5/2009~

Went Kboxing session and shopping Gan mummy Elieen, Ivy, Hui Ya and grace♥

Come muack muack? =x

Candid Moments =x

Look at her Zi Lian =x (If u happen to see this, Don't kill me) =x

Haha! failed attempt to snap my full face =x

tsk tsk! she turned away! =x

Ok, It's Paragon's Ladies' again =x

See See! they forced Elieen to pose! so bad =x lol!!

And we did it! =x

heh heh~

Funshots (:

* Bleahs =Pp *

* zi Lian~~ *

* more zi lian *

And even more Zi Lian-ing~ LOL x))~

After that went St James Boiler Room with Grace, Baby and Andrew...
And as always, we love to take pics in the toilet like nobody's business =x

Am I that short? -.- lol!

Strong Women! lol!!

p/s: Stay strong girl.. I believe God is on your side (:

WA!!! Now it's 5:05am!! I'm gonna wake up at 930am~ Sleeping alry.. Night ning Everyone!

****End Of Post****

Posted @ [1:43 AM]

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Polish Polish~

Okay, I know I've been mia-ed from here damn loooonnggg! hees~

(perhaps no one reading anymore T.T )

Been busy working, going out with my gfs/bf and playing pet society on facebook =x

Got so hooked onto that application till I'm lazy to blog.. lols~

I've got tons and tons and tons..... of pics to upload.. but this post here is only me =x

the rest some other time(you must be thinking damn long again right?) well, i'll try update at least once a week (:

* didn't style my curls =/ I think it's gonna become straighter *

*lol~ no fake eyelashes on *

I'm gonna ened here~ it's 3:40am alrdy~ and I have to wake up by 10am.. 2 more days to go before havig my off day~ ^^ fyi, 1 week + no off alrdy (cries!)

night night! hmm.. morning! nono night-ning! lol!

lame~

***End Of Post***

Posted @ [3:09 AM]

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Life is ultra fragile...

Woke up shockingly unpleasant this morning... I was waken up around 10+ gg 11am by my mum..

She was in tears, and said, " your uncle( her 2nd youngest bro) is lying in the hospital now.. chance of living 50:50.. " I was too shocked to respond... She said he was attacked by 2 men, using knives( maybe parang etc. ) in the morning at the market in JB Malaysia. After that he was sent to the hospital.. The moment she tell me about it, her handphone rang.. I thought and hope he would made it through, as he is strong.. But, I was wrong..... After she answered the call, she brust into tears saying that, my uncle has gone forever.....

Tears start filling up my eyes.. I feel so so sad... And have these mixed feelings.. At first I felt hatred and sadness.. The 1st thing I wld thought of, was my Aunt's(mum's younger sis) ex "husband".. They just seperated for just a few months and such things happened. Why? Because I think that aunt's ex " husband"(lets name him B ) had turned evil. All these 10 over years, all of my mum's siblings have been helping "B" to run a family business.. Last year, "B" told the media in Malaysia to publish newspaper in Malaysia that, he and my aunt is no longer related. He claims that he had given the family enough money. He said that we eat his money. "B" had many problems and perhaps misunderstandings with our family(mum's side) in Malaysia.

( Hello there a**hole, if want to eat all your money we could have slp, eat, shop everyday without helping your business. I would have ask my aunt to buy me an LV bag everytime she visit us. Your 2 sons have no dress sense at all in the first place, my aunt taught them how to. They don't even thank her! Everything from a mini business to a big one. Who you think have been behind you helping you out?! You may think that is other business men. Yes, they play a part too. But when you have nth, do you even know them all? Now u're rich, u forget all the things they went through with u.. U even wanna take away every single cent from them. When they left, they decided to set the business up themseleves again, you told them, our family will never make it. SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU HUMAN?! you might think that we are the one who are not human, ask yourself, did we make you suffer? did we made you poorer? did we sit there to do nth the whole day? did we help you out when you have nth? DID WE? We didn't even took u as an outsider, but part of the family __ Perhaps you found a new lover in China that's what makes you change.. Don't forget, GOD is watching.)

(These is all what I know. I may not know the whole 100% exact story)

B have the greatest suspect..

look at the underline sentence.. what he meant?! is this what he meant??

My uncle is the one helping out the most.. along the way, he knows alot about that business line..
"Are you afraid that my uncle will overpower u one day? that's why u got rid of him? If so, even u're rich, YOU'RE STILL A BLOODY LOSER!!! "

1. He might have buy killers..
2. He might know friends in the black society..

B ia also a sg'rean, social circle is very big now... He has 2 sons to run over his business in the future.. 2 sons are from sg.. Even my neighbour upstairs knows B. B used to look for my neighbour to ask for some fortune telling..

B might be the greatest suspect, but he might also not be the one behind all these.. the second reason might be that my uncle got himself into trouble, but he doesn't know.. As he is a straight forward person.. But he mean NO HARM.

( in the bible, God says, anyone being murdered, the murderer will get a cursed. It would be x7 back.. )

I BELIEVE THERE WILL BE A HUGE KARMA COMING..

R.I.P dear uncle.. everything you've done, I will always remember..
( When I was young, I was fat, he always disturb me calling me " fei ju " ( fat pig ). When I was young, I told them my dream was to be a model. They laughed so hard, it made me gave up that dream =x When I got myself a camera, he said don't get another 1, he'll give me his and teach me how to use it. ( he is good in taking photos too ) we're going in to Malaysia, he will always wait for us in the Malaysia's custom and fetch us to their place. When we're going back, he would fetch us out to Sg and he go back to M'sia himself again.. When I was young, when he is out in sg, he would bring my cousin and I to Marina Bay to buy kites and fly them.. )

I can't believe what has happened today morning... in a blink of an eye, life is loss....
The reason of death is unknown, but murdered.....

sadddening..... Why people are so cruel? Because of money? I believe they're greatly sinned......

" Dear God, please help us.. =(( "

* As he's social cicle is so big, names and photos will not be mentioned *

~End of Post~

Posted @ [2:46 PM]